Me-- Raw and UNapologetic!

Shanti – RAW!

Disclaimer: If you have delicate sensibilities you may not want to read this or perhaps it is meant for you too, and then if needs be walk through the loving door at the right marked exit. 

I contemplated going through my friends list and making cuts if necessary; however thought this would do the job succinctly.  Just going to put ‘me’ out there, with a BAM!!  I would call it a mission statement but it is not one, it is ME, Raw.  A RAMBLE, a rant, free writing, no filter, open and unapologetic! 

I am 45 years old and have been around the block a few times, leaving grooves in the pavement.  I am proud to be 45 and know that I am perfectly imperfect.  If I don’t make at least five mistakes a day, I check for a pulse.  I have made many ‘mistakes’ in life and OWN THEM ALL.  I do not blame anyone else for anything.  I look in the mirror and own my damn choices.  I will not dim light for anyone. 

Please add the word “too” to every word listed:  funny, loud, sensitive, loving, clean, determined, giving, strong, powerful, twisted, raw, sexual, primal, free, educated, thought provoking, loud (yep had to add that 2x), raw, unabashed, opinionated, SEXY, vibrant, colorful, verbal, wild, blatant, honest, emotional, witchy, spiritual, crazy (I keep coming back and adding to the list) lol, sensual.

And I’m NOT sorry… just saying that makes me laugh with happiness.  I did not just ‘find’ my sexiness cuz I’ve lost almost a 100 pds.  I’VE BEEN SEXY, when I was at my highest weight.. (350) I still danced, albeit for shorter periods of time…. Lol.

I used to care about labels, thank God/dess not anymore.  You don’t believe in me… that’s acceptable, you don’t have too.  I believe in me enough for the universe; I do NOT need, I want.  If I want, I own it, embrace it, claim it and call it mine.  My prayers are not asking but THANKING IN ADVANCE…owning it, knowing it’s already mine!  

Do I believe in God, yes, Goddess, yes, Jesus, that he was an enlightened spirit…the son of man sent here to die for us.. nope.., my God/dess wouldn't do that to his/her son.  I … yes, I, speaking only for self, believe religion is about control and true spirituality is about connection to self and source.  I believe Jesus was married (history supports this) and had MASSIVE sex with MM. I’d like to think so. 

I honor all religions and choices (honestly cept for bad driving ones.. URGH)  OMG… and I can’t stop feeling up my own muscles.. lmao I did it at least three times in the last hour.

 

Ohhhkay I LOVE SEX.. yup you heard it… I LOVE SEX.  Did she just.. yup.  I have the libido of a 18 year old young man and ALWAYS have, no it’s not the change although that might be coming for me … lol  I have always ALWAAAAAAAAAAAAAYS NEVER had that kind of headache.  I have makeup, boot and tatts fetishes.  I love primal sensuality and embrace the fire goddess within.  I want to make love to my mate under a full moon, rolling in the leaves. 

I believe in love, in light, in passion, in goodness, in creativity, in personal space, choices, boundaries, fae, earth, universe, (damn I smell good…what  frackin perfume do I have on) lol, creativity, truth, equality, and COMPROMISE… I agree to disagree and to keep loving whether one is in my life or not.  I do not like hard rap, metal or old school country..there are exceptions.. yeah I rock out at Patsy Cline and love the “bugle boy” from the Andrew sistahs.  I purposely misspell words and use ellipses like a flu patient goes through tissues. 

I like sex and candy <lol> both the song and the words, although not much of a candy person WELL not at all.  I used to have salt thing but weaned that offa my life and waist.  I may decide to get the skin removal surgery at some point, I may not.  I may choose to leave my damn neck alone and stop with the anti-aging crèmes that gave me a rash much worse than any wrinkle there.. lmao

oh wait.. I will use candy if in a hmmmm intimate way.. lmao YEAH I went there.  I love Eminem’s music <most of it> and Tupac was FRACKIN amazing, really deep soul there.  I am also sick about classic rock.. whut whut…what you know about Black Magic Woman by Santana and Hotel California by the Eagles … two theme songs from my life.  I do not like the song achy frackin bracky heart and am not a fan of mullets. 

My hemlines are shrinking with my waistline and WHAT THE F* DOES age appropriate clothing mean to me…whatever the frack resonates with me!!! 
I miss my aunt and I’m still in mourning… six months and 21 days and STILL in mourning… might be in mourning for YEARS I don’t care.  I own it. 

I unequivocally love my children JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.  They don’t have to be anyone’s version of successful cept their own…who the hell am I to judge that for them???? Pfft!  I tell them when I see them resonating in what I CONSIDER dumb ass energy and leave them to do their own thing.  My oldest has me saved on her phone as Satan and I find it fracking HILarious since when she is in the store her iPhone announces, “Satan is calling” .. I told her not to change it.. people’s faces must be PRICELESS!!!

I don’t find Seinfeld funny… and adore I love Lucy, the honeymooners and well the frackin Flintstones..  I am not really big into TV anymore, rather spend my energy writing, dancing, singing, or yes GOD/dess having sex.. Lmao …

I DETEST automated phone systems.. DEEEEETEST and curse them quite colorfully on the regular.  Have an extensive vocabulary and choose to say the word FUCK whenever not in the company of wee one’s and elders.  I honor my elders and our young ones; they BOTH have much to teach us

I REVERE personal hygiene and scrunch my nose at funk.  I’ll love you anyway FROM FAR away…can’t help the gag reflex contrary to a one of my puppy’s belief.. lol

I am less and less judgmental everyday… hey massively so.. PROGRESS!! YAY… and truly honor everyone’s choices… I retrain my brain every damn minute!! I work out six days a week.. moving to five days this week..same 30 miles tho.  Was just feeling up my shoulders again…

So there ya have me in nutshell.  I am honorable, loyal and not promiscuous since I was 17 years old <runaway>.  I will pick up a sword and fight back to back with any loved one <if really necessary…thinking a global zombie attack or whatnot>

I love everyone… and am not afraid to show it, I dance in the shower and finding lotioning and potioning to be  sensual experience.  Life is a sensual experience to me.

Now… ah ha!! If you found yourself offended, put out, in anyway
please, take love and light as you make your way to the blinking exit sign OVER there -------------------------------->

take one lei and all that it represents, and I WILL love you from afar!!!

Pfffffffffffft! Lol

Throwing hands up in goddess position.. yeah this is ME RAW! UNAPOLOGETIC AND ON FIRE!

A New Dance

There are dances we are locked in

Our bodies adjusted to move

Learned by repetition and rote

Oh how painful the news

We cooperate with this dance?

Denial is the clue

Looking inside,

Excavation we must do

Why does this serve me

If it causes so much pain

Why do I stay,

For me what is the gain

Fear paralyzes our movement

Leaving us to the dance

That we’ve bled from before

Robbing us of our chance

Instead of a dip

We must learn to fly

Forgetting the fear

Keeping us locked up inside

Yes you will hurt

And feel all alone

Dancing solo

Not the show you have known

No pity, no blame

No guilt and no shame

Owning your choices

Wild spirits can’t be tamed

So learn the new steps

Your own powerful routine

Let go of resentment

Your soul light and clean

Spinning around

Disregard for the rest

Let your spirit fly free

Tangoing  your best

You remember your passion

Your love and your light

Reveling in the pleasure

That burns deeply inside

Everything is new

Your heart open wide

Some things might hurt

but there is a star inside! 

The Life of Pi

Just got out of the movie and for something that was supposed to take my mind OFF serious topics, it had the opposite effect.  I nosedived neatly into a visual masterpiece of emotion.  I have never heard the story or read the book, I had no idea it was about a young boy from India.  ::gulp:: Or that the opening theme song would sound so much like Lata Mangeshkar reminding me of the melodious overture of my chaotic childhood.  Through magnificent 3D technology I visited my ancestors country immersed in the colors and majestic visions of India. 

 

I thought, great choice Shanti, and was immediately reminded of what Crystal Andrus often says, what you resist, persists.  Okay, I emotionally buckled myself in for the ride, no coincidences.  The movie was definitely a visual feast, but that was not all.  It was spiritually provocative.  Pi, named for a gorgeous ‘pool’ in France is a truly open soul (much more than most) who sees the dots that connect and only his mom seems to understand his sensitive nature.  Pi has a strong desire to understand and come to terms with the illogical and sometimes unfair circumstances in life.  He is convinced that all animals have souls, because he’s looked into their eyes and seen it, and that “Richard Parker” the tiger can be his friend, and is not just a beast as his father had told him. 

A series of unfortunate events take place and Pi’s faith, endurance and tenacity are tested and instead of withdrawing from Source, he surrenders to the journey and the powers that be (raises eyebrow, coincidences me arse)

Surrender to the journey eh…

Pi screams out to the heavens at one point, “ I have lost everything and given myself to you, what more do you want from me.” 

What magnificent wonders lay in the barren lands of our lives, just waiting to be discovered, we are in such a hurry to bypass the not so wonderful aspects of life that we rush by and never notice the terrain.  There are so many nuances of wonder that are there for the noticing and taking, even in the uncertainty there is beauty. 

When Richard Parker and Pi, part ways, Pi’s eyes fill up with tears and he is choked by emotion not because their journeys’ have separated but because there was never a goodbye, no closure, no chance to give proper due and respect to their path together.  ::clears throat:: yup no coincidences … I think that is part of the reason why Darsh’s death is so hard for me, no preparation, no I love you … goodbye.  No chance to tell her how much she was and is a part of my being.  I sobbed quietly in the last row of the theater  feeling my aunt very much next to me. 

Did mention I took myself to the arcade since I was early for the movie <smiles> and that I took myself to dinner after, using my waitresses pad to write all of this down in a frenzy.  Did I mention that I tonight was alone BUT oh so NOT lonely??? That I am grateful for the faith both I and the universe have in me. 

My cup runneth over.  Now into pj’s cuz WELL it’s almost PJ SUNDAY AND I DON’T WORK OUT TODAY..booyah babies.. I’m getting rest!!! 

A Brave Girl

I’m not the same, I’ve changed

 I know your eyes cannot see

The powerful butterfly wings of eternity

that have broken the cage, the cage without a k key

She no longer exists

She is now gone from here

I have nothing left to prove

In my spirit, the mirror is clear

I won’t even try to convince you,

You will have to see for yourself,

If you ever loved me enough

To now make that attempt

I had to get up and try,

It did take a brave girl to get here

Not one afraid to cry

Not one afraid of her shadows

Or even that she might die

I stood alone with the darkness

Looked into my own abyss

Understood the demons that lived there

And still made a choice to live

Was it ever so seductive

to set up shop in the dark

never have to root in the wounds

 make a fire out of a spark

 I had to get up and try,

It did take a brave girl to get here

Not one afraid to cry

Not one afraid of her shadows

Or even that she might die

There were incentives

To fly towards the light

A chance to break chains

Help our children shine bright

I did not expect it to be easy

Nothing of worth ever is

but, I am made of stronger stuff,

Armor made of Kelvalr, dig?

I am woman enough to do this

Goddess enough to try

I won’t ever go back to pity party

That caused me to dim my light

If you love me, you’d want to know that

Get to know the me, I’ve always been

Minus the lies, acting, blame and shame

That have always been associated with my name

I had to get up and try,

It did take a brave girl to get here

Not one afraid to cry

Not one afraid of her shadows

Or even that she might die

No BS -- Bah Humbug!

Bah humbug.  Yes, I said it, and I am really okay owning that feeling.  I don’t even want a Christmas tree this year, I will not rain on anyone else’s Christmas, I personally am just not planning on really celebrating it.  I am not cooking, not wrapping, not decorating.  I am not, it’s not real, and I won’t fake it for anyone. 

Last year I set an all high bar for Christmas celebrations.  I worked my ass off because I wanted a ‘perfect’ Christmas.  I bought and wrapped about 300+ presents for children, grandchildren, friends, my aunt, her boyfriend, my little cousins, my ex, etc.  It was magical, I swear all we needed was Santa sliding his arse down the chimney and handing him a cookie, a deviled egg, or a glass of eggnog. 

This year however has sapped that Christmas spirit in me, I’m sure this too shall pass, BUT IT HAS NOT YET.  I miss my aunt, I never expected her to die, and for this many changes to happen in ONE year.  My little cousins are GONE, and they are hurting, and there is little I can do to help.  FRUSTRATING.  I made promises, I keep my promises.

 

I have had SHOULD’S up to my fracking eyebrows.  You should ‘get over it’, you should be more excited about the grandpeeps  Xmas, you should, you should.  The only thing I SHOULD do is take care and HONOR myself and my heart says I’m not feeling this commercialized version of a once amazing holiday.  I bought my kids something, my grandkids and one friend, that’s it … I’m done.  I don’t even want presents back-- <shrugs> I never got that whole grief is harder at the holidays thing, until now. 

So leave me to my mourning, I’ll be done when I’m done, if and when.  If you care then you will respect that and not try to make me fit in your ideals of what I ‘SHOULD’ be doing.  Pfffft.  I love myself way too much to fake it. 

Now if we could have Ma and Pa Ingalls in a snow storm, with a fire and maybe handmade gifts, with real heart and love… yeah I could be down with that, but I don’t see that happening right now. 

And still I rise!! <3

The brand new me, I USED to be!

My mind had been contemplating empowerment for many years now, trying to make sense out of the first sentence of the book by M. Scott Peck, “The Road less Traveled”:  Life is pain.   I put the book down at the moment and said… who you ‘fracking’ telling, and never picked it up again.  What, I thought, did a book have to teach me about pain??? Really??

Now, I get it; acceptance, ‘be’ing, learning, growing from the pain, and life isn’t always pain, NOT EVERY second of every day, but it will happen  as a catalyst for growth and knowledge.  In 1991, in New Mexico, I had my first encounter with SVT (Supra Ventricular Tachycardia), although I didn’t know it then.  I went to the hospital where the doctor told me I was having separation anxiety after moving half a country away from the chaos I knew to unfamiliar chaos. 

Years later, as the ‘episodes’ continued sporadically especially raising three teenagers and my ex-husband walking out in the middle of the night almost seven years ago (went and had a new life, no contact for three years until my youngest daughter and I found him in NC, new life, no word, no divorce and still I will never harbor an ill feeling… choices)  I went into the hospital where my cardiologist said you have the heart of a 15 year old, your kids are killing you…  FF to Jan of 2010, I was going to the mall in Cambridge with my ex-boyfriend and felt one of these ‘palpitation episodes’ start to happen, and I thought... oh shit here we go.  

This episode was unlike any other, the medicine used to restart my heart (never knew what they were doing to me during those 6 or 7 ambulance trips from 91-2010, well the medicine didn’t work and as the EMT’S placed the paddles on my stomach, nearby just in case, I blinked in umm horror, I said ummm what’s that for <knowing full and well what they were for> , after being transported to Mass General, and having a TEAM surrounding me complete with paddles, and all the accoutrements that come into play with a potential code blue, I realized … these were not regular palpitations, something was seriously amiss. 

“Atrial fibrillation is an erratic rhythm that occurs within the upper chambers of the heart (the "atria"). All of us have cells that occasionally beat out of sequence from the normal activation. If these skipped beats occur rapidly in succession, they can cause the cells in the atria to no longer activate in a smooth, uniform, and sequential fashion, and instead activate rapidly and chaotically, creating a series of rapidly circulating wavelets of activation, resulting in all the cells of the atria activating between 250 and 500 times per minute. The atrial chambers quiver when this occurs and no longer pump blood efficiently, permitting blood to pool within the atrial chamber, and on occasion, clot. When this happens, small portions of clotted blood can shower from the atrium and cause occlusion of blood vessels, even in the brain, and thereby cause a stroke to occur. In fact, it is estimated that 15% of all strokes are caused by atrial fibrillation”

After all those years, they had A RECORDING of it.. YAY, so on March 17, 2010 on Saint Patty’s Day, I had an SVT Ablation, and four days later I went to the first concert of my life.  I saw Alicia Keys at the Agganis Arena in Boston.  I was breathless and a little nervous but once she opened her mouth and sang her light into that audience including me, I hooped and hollered like a 13 year old at a Beiber concert.  I knew that night that I could JUST BE ME and light up the world.  I knew I could do what I LOVED, be joyful and live a happy light, so today, I heard “A Brand New Me” that was so ON POINT, it could’ve been written for MY journey.  Wow. 

I cried, and cried, the journey since I saw her in Boston to now.  Lessons, losses, and loves… well then.   Now I’m embracing my dream to let my life be a testament to the power of the human spirit.  To help young women know they have choices, they can be EXACTLY who they are and be PROUD of that.  I’ve wanted to be the change for years; I’ve just now grown into it. 

Brand New Me lyrics by Alicia Keys.

It's been a while, I'm not who I was before

You look surprised, your words don't burn me anymore

Been meaning to tell you, but I guess it's clear to see

Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of me

Can't be bad, I found a brand new kind of free

Careful with your ego, he's the one that we should blame

Had to grab my heart back

God know something had to change

I thought that you'd be happy

I found the one thing I need, why you mad

It's just the brand new kind of me

It took a long long time to get here

It took a brave, brave girl to try

It took one too many excuses, one too many lies

Don't be surprised, don't be surprised

If I talk a little louder

If I speak up when you're wrong

If I walk a little taller

I'd be known to you too long

If you noticed that I'm different

Don't take it personally

Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of me

And it ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of free

Oh, it took a long long road to get here

It took a brave brave girl to try

I've taken one too many excuses, one too many lies

Don't be surprised, oh see you look surprised

Hey, if you were a friend, you want to get know me again

If you were worth a while

You'd be happy to see me smile

I'm not expecting sorry

I'm too busy finding myself

I got this

I found me, I found me, yeah

I don't need your opinion

I'm not waiting for your ok

I'll never be perfect, but at least now i'm brave

Now, my heart is open

And I can finally breathe

Don't be mad, it's just the brand new kind of free

That ain't bad, I found a brand new kind of me

Don't be mad, it's a brand new time for me, yeah

I learned that not everyone is going to be happy when you change for yourself, but that doesn’t matter.   We are here to shine, that is our job, our ONLY job, find the things we love to do AND DO THEM with all of our passion.  I have learned and grown so much… it shocks ME.  Thank you Darsh, thank you everyone who believed and THOSE who didn’t believe in me, thank you for making me a fighter.  I’m grateful I cry, that I feel, that I love so hard and for eternity. 

I’m a brand new me.   I think this brand new me is the me I started out as, matter of fact I recognize this spirit looking at me … it’s my little girl all grown up and ready to PLAY, live in joy, doing what I love, paying forward the light.  I am so in love with life and light, with me, with you, with the passion in possibilities.  ::sighs::

Extreme gratitude is my attitude.  I am blessed. 

LOVing me, LOVing you.  See Darsh you were right, I am strong, I can do this, I CAN do anything. Hand in  hand my partner in crime, you may have left this PLANE of existence but I will carry you WITH ME FOREVER! 

P.S.  It might be time to read that book, “The road less traveled” .. or maybe I just lived the lesson!!! 

Breaking Chains--Love is Divine!

I think perhaps more than I breathe.  My mind works on issues, solutions, problems as quickly as child geniuses used to solve the ‘Rubik’s Cube’.  So, I was thinking, what if I am not privy to the whole story behind the dysfunction of the women in my family.  My matriarchal lineage, because as I look at my cousins, examine the behavior of my aunt’s, the animosity displayed clearly to each other without reservations or explanations, I realized there had to be more to this story.  So as a great archaeologist  such well as Indiana Jones would do I began to look for clues.  Context clues led me to a few hypotheses about the life that my ancestors had in Guyana that may have shaped their sadness and desperation. 

Oh wait, damn, yes I had judged them and thought they were OUT of their minds.  What the hell could have possibly happened to justify the madness running rampant amongst the women in my mother’s family? Then the pieces of the puzzle started coming together, long before I had hard facts.  Watching and observing teaches us the most poignant of lessons.  Their dynamic in relationships was telling, self-doubts, guilt, subservient passive aggressive behaviors, low self-esteem, jealousy and dissent. 

I too carried that legacy of shame and guilt until I took a step back to discover why..

This is what I unearthed. 

In 1838, indentureship was the profitable way to ensure that the crops were tended too by the seemingly docile Indian peasants that were encouraged and sold a dream, to go to Guyana to work the crops for a contract of a specific amount of years and were promised passage there and back.  That was not always the case, more times than not they would have to extend their contracts, and not be able to return to India, to their wives and in some cases children.  To appease the workers, the overseers contracted and brought over Indian women.  They were not thrilled about coming, but their parents wanting better for their daughters than the meager existence in Calcutta, sent them off, hopefully not realizing what would happen to their young women in Guyana. 

There was a shortage of ‘Coolie’ Gyals in Guyana and they were VERY young.  They started marrying them off at 11 years of age, to 40-50 year old intolerant men, who would chomp at the bit wondering who was staring at this pretty wife and assuming she was carrying on affairs with the overseers or the Afro-Guyanese.  Of course the Indian men couldn’t retaliate against the plantation owners or the overseers, so who reaped the brunt of his own discontent?? Yes, the little 11 year old, the young women who had NO idea which way to go.  There was no escape.  The ‘master’s, overseers, Indo-Guyanese and Afro-Guyanese all had their way with the Coolie Gyals <term used for Indo-Guyanese girls and women>  Coolie being a quasi-derogatory term for indentured servants. 

The level of abuse aimed at the “Coolie Gyals” was intense and horrific.  I didn’t know.  I had always watched my ‘elders’ with a mixture of frustration, sadness and anger.  I never understood what made them act hateful, spiteful, sometimes jealous of each other, and uber depressed.  In retrospect, I get it, I understand why my older aunt who passed away four days after my partner in crime/aunt died, was so bitter and honestly mean.  Aunt Anna was born in 1909 in the midst of the matriarchal massacre that was occurring on this tiny coastal country, they were so far away from “home” with no-one to protect them.  The women truly felt that they did not deserve ‘rights’.    How sad, how terribly soul wounding, it makes so much sense now in retrospect after a half of life observing their dysfunctional behavior that the majority of them didn't even realize was dysfunctional.  Eleven year olds sold to fifty year old men for marriage, raped, tortured, molested, beat, dismembered, accused, slandered and ashamed!

 My grandmother May Veronica Tiwari, was married when she was twelve and had my uncle when she was thirteen… he was a thirteen pound baby.  I cannot even imagine the level of pain and torment on her young body.  My ‘grandfather’ was a much older longshoreman, who after getting my grandmother pregnant, would leave and sometimes come back, eventually he moved to America, leaving her and all of their offspring, including my mother there in Guyana to fend for themselves.  She eventually sent my mom and her closest brother, my Uncle Romeo to NYC to live with a father they never had known.  Imagine the horror of flying across an ocean with a kind stranger just to be handed off to ANOTHER stranger? 

After intensely researching the period in Guyana from 1838 to 1917, I came to realize that it is absolutely inconceivable to me, that women were treated in this insidious manner.  Raped by Afro-Guyanese, by the overseer’s and then back home where instead of concern and solace found in the arms of their husbands or fathers, they were repeatedly beat for ‘BEING’, yes, for just BEING.  It must have been the poor coolie gyal’s fault for existing.  What a world to be born, brought or BOUGHT into. 

 I am sitting here writing this, feeling the weight that was their constant mantle of oppression.  I sit here grateful to have experienced every single thing that I did, to empower me so, that I would excavate the truth, give a voice to the light.  I’m so sorry you were treated so badly, I am so sorry.  Sorry they hurt you, I know that it was all meant to be, and I know I will never know the exact reasons till I enjoy hugging THE REAL YOU when I come “home”. 

I am honored to be from this line of AMAZING women who preserved through the HARSHEST of circumstances.  They were oppressed and degraded in every possible and still SURVIVED, supporting their children in a strange country. 

I get it now, all the dots connect.  I understand, and I am sorry for assuming, I am grateful to be blessed with this knowledge and mission.  I WILL never take this existence for granted again.  NEVER… I will RISE forever, thank you for gifting me with your tenacity and unwavering dedication to survival. 

I am STOMPING on those restraints; we are ‘breaking chains’ forever. 

Love is DIVINE, my ancestors, and love put ME here, ripe full of the lessons that have run down our lineage, I will be brave and strong, holding the very tangible, invisible (on this plane of existence) hands linked with mine around in a circle.  

Here is to my mom and all of her sisters, nearest to my heart of course was/ is Darshini Tiwari, my grandmother May Veronia Persaud Tiwari, my great-grandmother Marie Rajubir, my grandmother’s cousin Anna Naidoo, and the slews of other women in my family and in yours.  We, by shining our light are breaking chains, the chains of oppression and depression.  We can free them, I know I have to start with me and here I am, standing in the light, not afraid to OWN my choices and repercussions, paying forward the light near and far!  I WILL be the change, family, thank you!! Your life is NOT wasted on me! <3

"Love's Divine" – Seal

Then the rainstorm came, over me

And I felt my spirit break

I had lost all of my, belief you see

And realized my mistake

But time threw a prayer, to me

And all around me became still

I need love, love's divine

Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind

Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Through the rainstorm came sanctuary

And I felt my spirit fly

I had found all of my reality

I realize what it takes

'Cause I need love, love's divine

Please forgive me now I see that I've been blind

Give me love, love is what I need to help me know my name

Love HAS helped me know my name.

Video -------à http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iczaDcixBj4&feature=share