Love... is who I AM!

One of my bodacious soul siSTARS, Mary McIntyre wrote yesterday, “I keep trying to analyze my life, especially the relationships I’ve lived and let go of and what might be wrong with me is that I couldn't make it stick.  But, then it just came to me… when you stop being what other’s want, need and expect of you, most times you find that there’s really nothing left that you have in common, so the story ends and you become you at last, let it shine.”  Thank you Mary for the amazing realizations and the magnificent pic!!!  

Well shiver my timbers, that resonated so deeply I had to keep rereading it over and over again, and that was a follow up on this week’s call, the fifth week of the transformational telecourse so I decided to combine my home/soul work and just write. Ever get something on a soulular level, so much so it shakes the very foundation of your being? 

I know who I am, sans the story, expectations, fears, performances, facades and bullshit.  I know what my purpose is.  I do.  The very magnificence of it sometimes scares the crap out of me, true story.  I remember distinctly at two, understanding love, purely.  I remember again at five, knowing that this was going to be a bumpy ride, I was just not understood.  No shame, no blame, everyone did their best with the hand they were dealt.  I am not angry at all… no one to be angry at.  I personally resonated in what I call 'dumbassery' as a young mother.  Who would I blame for their own struggles?  Shakes head. 
As I read that post that Mary shared the pins and tumblers once again slid into place.  Ahhhh… those in my life walking away or who have already walked away and I have nothing in common anymore.  I get that, and can respect it.  I thought LOVE was a common denominator, but apparently not enough for all relationships.  I get that.  A loved one who is not in my life, once told me.. .wow you really think your Queen of your Kingdom… ummm YEA I do, my world IS my Queendom.  I am a goddess and SO is the loved one… so we can coexist from a distance.  It’s all good. 
I used to believe that loving=holding on, I realize now that is not always the case.  In some circumstances, letting go is a bigger indicator of love.  I can do that.  It’s gonna hurt like a bitch for a minute or so, but this too shall pass.   This glow-stick had to break before the light could shine.  I’m working on me… being the change I want.  I will not be stopped, there is no staying down, not this gyal. 
Yanno what I am sans the bullshit?   I am love.  Innately…  LOVE… I know that with every fiber of my being.  I don’t give a shit what comes my way, I know I am love.  My purpose here??  To share the love in any and all ways possible.  To exude joy and gratitude for every damn step of the journey.  Yup. 

Love is who I am.   

 

Trusting the Process!

Trusting in the Process

marinating in the GREAT I AM..

On a cellular level I realize
used to struggle to understand

Amazing Artist: Lisa Steinke

 It’s okay that I stumble, acceptable that I fall

When tested by the fire, I stand and stand once more

Never have I succumbed to the abyss for an extended long-term stay

I am too fond of the light, beaming, loving in every way.

I test all boundaries to be sure

Too tame for this rising Goddess

Smashing the box, broke all of the locks

And now standing in my full glory

Lisa Steinke

I turn my head at all the *should-do's*

it won't works, and I don't know's, 

no blame, no shame or pointing fingers

choices have always been entirely my own 

We are here to share from our soul’s deep passion

Exuding light from our blissful minutely satisfaction

I’m not dimming my flame for anyone, anymore…

With every breathe I muster

My pores exude divine 
pure light and lustre

Till there’s naught left but courage

 the knowledge to which I surrender

to the crashing of the waves

both the light and darker days

to both my good wolf and my bad

co creator-- YES I AM.

Shanti Shaharazade 10/20/13

lunaPIC'd

there were moments 

on my journey 

into the darker lands

when my spirit

struggled, trying

to understand.

out of instinct

guided solely 

from my heart

eyes turned skyward 

quick inhale

quite the start

for there was Luna

smiling down at me

erasing doubt 

and negativity

refocusing all

and everything 

inside of me

replacing all fears

with primal energy

the goddess 

cast her spell 

again,

360ing me

back to 

primal ecstasy

so mark last eve

and know this

to be true

la luna verified

there is naught

I 'cannot' do

these are but

words, watch me

you shall see

goddess once 

more restored

my soul powerful

and free.

S. Shaharazade

10-15-13

Brighter than the SUN!!!

Life has a way of letting us be as vicarious and daring as we choose. It really is up to us.  Again, I sitting somewhere alone ..processing.  So,not lonely... matter of fact, über grateful to spend time with ME.  

Flashback.... Sitting in a park, alone and immensely LONELY, letting the rain fall down all over me.  43rd and 9th avenue, August 19, 1980. How am I so sure, it was my 13th birthday. I was in all types of silent agony, that gaping giant chasm ready to engulf any remnants of light I had left.  I was homeless, scared, bereft, inconsolable, hungry, sad, angry, depressed.  I was 'twerking' with the dark side of the seven dwarfs!  The dismal abyss had its wispy dark threads all caught up and entwined in my being and I was learning to reinforce the walls protecting my wounded heart.  In retrospect, that was a hard year...and yet...

I am grateful for it, all of it.  I would not be the woman I am without everything that has polished and smoothed the rough edges of this brilliant obsidian....

What's the point of all that?  Choices, perspective..the ebb and flow of the journey.  To demonstrate what is possible.  We are limitedless beings, we are our own jailers.  We volunteer, albeit not always premeditatedly.  I believe we are born innately knowing, our experiences and surroundings shape us, we then choose to focus on the gift/curse of situations which attracts more of the same.

We then feel... I did anyway, that something is amiss, but, to put the brakes on life and 360 takes massive courage and strength. Ready to examine any and everything is not for the faint of heart.  Owning ones own choices, not looking for a scapegoat is immense.  What?  No-one to blame?  Shit?  Really?  You mean even tho this one did this and that to me, I still had choices, but I was scared?  I let myself 'be' changed to fit in?  To blend, to not be different? Ya mean even after I got hurt I had options.... I didn't HAVE to choose the slippery downslope of self pity, but it was my 'story', my chance to have people sayyyy awww..,you poor hunny, I'll fix you. 

Raises eyebrow, yea ummm no.  Doesn't work out, not in the long run...resentments build, light drains, new sources of numbing agents and codependency must be found.  A continuous cycle of gimme, gimme ensues and it becomes a huge cyclical circle of NEED.  What about true wants, desires, dreams..etc.   Oh right, if I say what I truly want I'll scare them away, so lemme act as if....(masks...aka bullshit)

Ummmm no thank you...

Here's the thing... When I first realized I had the power, I was terrified... Holy shit, imma screw this up.   Ummm yea so?  Perfectly imperfect.  Who sold that bullshit about having to be flawless... So what if I once bought into that.  I don't NOW.  NOW is truly all we have. NOW is freaking awesome!  

I just took myself to lunch, am sitting in the restaurant right now, just shazam'd a song called 'My Way'. Synchronicity is BADassery!  Lol. Ohkay now 'Brighter than the Sun' just came on.   I say no coincidences....yup for me, in my world, NOTHING is a coincidence, EVERYTHING is a blessing.   Does that mean that those principles have to work for you....HELL no, live life on YOUR terms.  You are the captain of your own ship....and now I chose (as captain/queen/goddess/co-creator etc.) to live...

MY WAY (click here)

Yeah we can be "Brighter than the Sun"

Brighter than the Sun Lyrics!! 

Stop me on the corner

I swear you hit me like a vision
I, I, I wasn't expecting
But who am I to tell fate where it's supposed to go with it
Don't you blink you might miss it
See we got a right to just love it or leave it
You find it and keep it
Cause it ain't every day you get the chance to say

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky
Shining how we want, brighter than the sun

I've never seen it, I found this love, I'm gonna feed it
You better believe, I'm gonna treat it better than anything I've ever had
Cause you're so damn beautiful
Read it, it's signed and delivered let's seal it
Boy we go together like peanuts and paydays and Marley and reggae
And everybody needs to get a chance to say

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky
Shining how we want, brighter than the sun

Everything is like a white out, cause we shika-shika a shine down
Even when the, when the light's out but I can see you glow
Got my head up in the rafters, got me happy ever after
Never felt this way before, ain't felt this way before

I swear you hit me like a vision
I, I, I wasn't expecting
But who am I to tell fate where it's supposed to go?

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky
Shining how we want, brighter than the sun, yeah
Oho, yeah, oho

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, we could be the stars, falling from the sky
Shining how we want, brighter than the sun, yeah
Brighter than the sun.
Brighter than the sun.
Brighter than the sun.
Oho, yeah, oho

Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun
Oh, this is how it starts, lightning strikes the heart
It goes off like a gun, brighter than the sun

nothing small about the sun.. <grins>  MAKING MUPPET FACE LIGHT BEAMING OUTTA EVERY PORE!!! YEAH buddy!

dancing... life is SUCCULENT!  

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Blissful Succulence!

Did you know that life is absolutely freaking succulent? Are you aware that each of our NOWS are magnificent?  Yup, I live in THIS world, and no I’m not on any drugs, nor am I drinking <laughs>  I adore my life.  Yes, of course there are challenges, or it wouldn't be the journey of life, or the road less traveled.  HOWEVER, I choose my NOWS; I choose how to feel about the events that happen.  First question, can I change it?  Yes, then I do, no, then I move on in GRATITUDE for the lesson…. That is it, that is all. 

I unexpectedly paid for a car alignment today that I thought was covered by my bumper to bumper insurance… <shrugs> so.  Yeah it pinched a lil bit, but UMM SO.   My sister didn’t work out with me today.  I actually found myself wanting to take the day off… YEA umm so, I worked out anyway and may I say I was straight up BADass.  I DID 30 MIN on the ARC, 30 min on the elliptical, the weight machines, THEN circuit training.  YEA… umm hmmm.  ME, working my hardest my pulse never went over 148.   MY RESTING heart rate used to be 120 and now it stays steady at 60-65.  YEAH yeah..whut whut.

In the locker room, I had a conversation with a trainer, a beautiful spirit… after noticing her t-shirt (HILarious) and ‘my shoulders’ she was ‘wearing’ (wiggles eyebrows smiling) and BUSTED out laughing, it just so unexpected.  Motivation and joy ARE EVERYWHERE IF you want to see it.  (choices)

After the gym I drove to the pharmacy to pick up prilosec, then headed over to buy a piece of grilled chicken for a quick salad.  My energy was fading quickly... knew I needed to put ‘gas’ in my ‘tank’….. My mom called, and during the phone call, I looked up <after seeing sequential numbers all day on license plates> I saw the OHM symbol on the back of the car in front of me.  I had never seen one on a car before.  Ever. 

The truth is whether you think you CAN or THINK you (can’t) ’I am not a fan of that word’… YOU ARE RIGHT.  The universe responds to WHAT YOU ARE thinking and feeling.  Omg/oddess, I AM ON FIRE… Grateful just does not do THIS STUPENDOUS BLISSFUL FEELING any justice. 

Pssst… just a secret for you.  I AM not MORE special, gifted, or powerful than YOU ARE.  We ARE THE SAME. 

Choices my loves.. CHOICES.

I’m a fracking WARRIOR GODDESS AND I’M SHINING MY LIGHT WIDE OPEN.  LOVE LOVE LOVE and adore life!