Breaking Chains: Rainbow Warriors

I was a club kid in the 80’s NYC dance scene, from the village to midtown Manhattan. I partied at clubs like the Roxy, Danceteria, Latin Quarter, Paradise Garage etc. I was a runaway on and off during those years in group homes, a foster home or two, and a lot of time on the street. I had a lotta peeps, and many of them worked in the sex industry. I was very lucky, and never did (there but for the grace of Source went I) but that didn't stop me from looking for love in all the wrong places. I had minimal self-esteem and self-worth, and was convinced I had no voice and what I had to say did not matter. I was NOT comfortable utilizing the word no. Acquiescence, I felt, was my contribution to the world. It was all I thought I had to offer.

I found myself doing a bit of a stint in a drug program called Promesa, in the Bronx. I met young people from all walks of life. One angel was named Gabriel; an amazing soul, reminded me so much of one of my favorite uncles, Taj. My mother's youngest brother was also an amazing man and a shiny spirit! He loved as exuberantly as he lived… OUTLOUD. He pulled no punches and had no compulsions about being blunt, sharing everything that was on his mind.

I digress.

Gabriel and I spent many hours talking and dancing, memories of him slipping on my gorgeous brushed suede tan peep toe pumps, he taught me or should I say reacquainted me with the hustle. I had watched and imitated my uncle for years! Gabriel had a challenging past, ostracized from his family because he was gay and a drug user. I didn't give a shit what he was all I knew was that his soul was sparkly! We all however cycled in and out of group homes, foster homes, incarceration <yea I was lucky again.. no jail for me>so much that we lost contact, I never saw Gabriel again. A few years later I found out he succumbed to AIDS and I remember feeling like I got punched the stomach. I was beginning to lose loved ones to this fucked up disease that no one seemed to know anything about.

Fast forward…

I found out my uncle was diagnosed with HIV, by that time I had known and lost many people from this senseless, confusing disease and I was living in a world where my earlier seemingly innocent promiscuous nature now had a deadly flavor. In 91’ living in Temple Terrace., Florida, working at Met Life, I was tested, petrified by my uncle’s diagnosis, I just knew I had it; I went and got tested. There was such a waiting list for the results that it took a month and a half for my results to come back. I was so scared that I was manifesting signs; I was constantly nauseous with flu-like symptoms. I cried hysterically when I found out I was HIV negative.

I moved to Harrisburg Pennsylvania, with my babies. My Uncle Taj, came to see us, all the way, from NYC by himself. He never gave a shit that I was the black sheep of the family. He never gave a crap what people thought of me. He just saw his niece, point blank that’s it. He sat across the table from me eating a pound of bacon for breakfast. I looked at him asking if he really thought he should be eating that?? He replied, does it matter now? I looked at every one of his features, at the evidence of Kaposi Sarcoma on this face and asked him if he was scared… He looked at me and said, petrified.

He died about two years later and the year after, I became certified by the city of Boston as an STD/AIDS prevention peer educator and I began to teach women to how to have safe sex, and to love themselves. It's funny because at that time I didn't even know how to love myself, but I knew there was something more than waiting around playing Russian roulette with our lives.

Fast forward… After 9/11, I moved back to Massachusetts from New York after a stint as a retail manager, I became a housing advocate and case manager for clients with HIV. I knew I wanted to give back, I knew that there had been loving, caring, nonjudgmental souls who had nurtured and loved my uncle… I wanted to ‘love’ that forward.

Now that I truly understand self-love, I want to be of service; share my life. I know that if I open myself up, turn myself inside out and show my seams, being blunt, living raw about what's really going on as I strive for the highest expression of myself… then there is no other outcome, but the raising of the collective consciousness.

Are you a rainbow warrior too?? How can YOU be of service right now? Smile at the next person you see, help someone, hold out your hand…

Are YOU a Rainbow Warrior??

We have choices. We can shine our light brightly. We can choose to be ourselves in a world that would have us be clones. We can choose to research, take precautions, we can say no, loving ourselves in action, not just with words. Where is your courage? Show me your brave! I'll show you mine. I am still here, and we FUCKING matter!

I was inspired to revisit why I have/had been an advocate for those who are on this “life” journey with HIV, by a man that to me, epitomizes the word hero. I am blessed to have 'happened' on his excursion into the depths of the human experience through a woman I call a universal sibling. I've been watching his expedition, continually inspired and refortified by the courage he exemplifies.

As I was packing my life up into 1 suitcase, carryon and box, saying goodbye to my family chasing the desire to ‘be of service’, Bob has been choosing to share of himself in raw and unfiltered displays of courage. As I was watching his documentary, the first thought was how dare I bitch about my journey, then the empowered 'remembering/retraining' kicked in ...what's important is… how can I be of service?

Bob has chosen to walk his talk, sharing his story with as many people as possible, carrying a banner of hope, determination, tenacity, courage and raw truth. He refuses to give up, to allow HIV to define his life, instead HE chooses to rally in the face of what could have been a debilitating tragedy.

It sincerely stuns my spirit to realize that Bob contacted HIV after one unsafe act, at the same time I was engaged in many unsafe practices on the street. Why him and not me?

I know that I will be of service in any and all ways possible to facilitate the eradication of this PREVENTABLE disease. Enough is enough. We will not be silenced. Taking Bob by the hand, we are ONE!

What can WE do?????

Educate ourselves

ERADICATE the stigma <such bullshit>

Learn how to use our voices

Be A PART of a growing collective to JUST BE OUR DAMN SELVES

PREVENTION!!!!!

Please educate yourself, watch this raw, courageous documentary about Bob’s ‘in your face’ choice to be of service.

Click HERE to watch The Fire Within!
don't forget to donate WHAT you can!!!!

Right here-----> Documentary's donation spot!!

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