Extraordinarily Average and Normal!

I’ve given average, "normal" a bad rap.  In Crystal Andrus's last 12 week telecourse. we were asked to listen to a group of words and to pick the ones that made us feel badly, the ones that trigger us.  Average and normal slipped right on by.  Ego has a way of being suspicious at best and vicious at worst!  So true!!

I was so in love with most aspects of my life.  I simply adored being AWAKE… bounding to my feet to the gym, go go go. Planning, imagining, feeling, manifesting, I stayed busy, so busy in fact I didn't have much time to process all the changes I was putting myself through.   I gave away my shit, and honed my belongings down to 1 box, suitcase and carry-on then I dipset on my life back east to experience an extraordinary existence.  (smh)  you can shake yours too, do you know what’s coming???  So I flew however many miles to Dallas, I successfully weaned myself off a buncha anti anxieties, and embraced courage with A VEHEMANCE... fo shizzle. I flew without a pill or a drink leaning in the turbulence with rediscovered enjoyment of the ‘is’ness.  I thought longingly of my grandchildren but replaced those thoughts with…  I can give them a BETTER me, maybe a faraway me but a BETTER ME. 

I came all the way to Dallas primarily to visit a siSTAR, Denae and to go to the “I Can Do It” conference in Austin for a weekend with another siSTAR, Kristina.  It was amazing, and A LOT of powerful, soul stirring, gut disturbing information.  Ummm yea.. I chose to dive straight into ‘material’ OVERLOAD, because of course I had <simply HAD> to start reading, researching, and implementing but, I hadn't caught up with being on this, my first trip solo journey in a LONG time (minus one short Amtrak trip to Florida in 2010)  

Okay so my thoughts became more and more about ‘doing IT right’ … how do I speak to young women, and how do I get myself OUT there.  smh … can you see where this is going???  EGO...  edging God/dess out.  I did.. . I concentrated so much on being connected to source; I knocked myself right out of the realm of expansion and contracted myself right into fear’s grasp.   SHIT!!!!  

Are you feeling me??  So my dream is to speak to young women, to stand before them and show them that they have choices, but to do that authentically I must utilize mine, and if creating this dream out of nothing, like that <snaps my fingers> is overwhelming to me, I missed something…. Damnit…  I must function in JOY, the sheer joy of existence.  Nods…  Last night talking to Yola, today to Kristina I realized … omg … my trigger is “average”.   I don’t wanna be average, and I started thinking about that word, average… a small apt cuz I just want a small place, a small car (I’m not a big car chick) what’s wrong with ‘normal’?  What IF I rock my ‘normal’ life with such verve, passion and shininess …nods head that it makes me giddy with joy, well then by the very definition of the experience my normal life would be extraordinary… right?  Right!  So what’s a goddess to do???

I am putting together the tools I've amassed and sticking them into my tool box, heading back to Mass.,  to feel the hugs of my grandpeeps,  to look at my children in the eyes with love and to **shine** .. AS, ‘JUST ME’, a woman on the road less traveled.  Not hugely spectacular unless you know the whole story but grateful and happy.  I have a feeling that that’s enough, cuz I am/you are ENOUGH as is. 

When it’s time for me to speak to young woman, the angels know where to get me <smiles> we CANNOT fail at god/dess’s purpose for us.

 I’m gonna just LIVE and be happy, enough WORK for a little bit.  I’d rather go get a job, and let my spirit VEG and process for a minute.