www.shutit.com

So I've had a few schizophrenic loved ones, and I must admit, I've always been curious.   Like all up in their grills wanting to understand the experience of hearing voices.  Clearing my throat, I would ask, “ummm what do they say” or “how do they sound” … pfft.  Lemme be honest, I hear voices all of the time, now granted they are not OTHER voices, but they are indeed voices.  For me, it’s the voice that says… Shanti, WTF are you doing??? What happened??? Changed your mind???? Again???  AT 46???   

So there I am today, again on the Katy Trail, (God Bless the Katy Trail) fo REAL!  I was thinking as I was re-listening to 3 of the “I can do it” talks, absorbing Ms. Gabby Bernstein, Anita Moorjani and Dr. Wayne Dyer again, and having them reiterate what I know to be true, that we are ALWAYS loved, no matter what we do, no matter what we chose, no matter if we have road rage in the morning or not.  Whether we turn off onto what others perceive is the bravest road we can take or we divert onto a path only we can understand… it is what IT IS.  The shame and the blame… nu uh.  USELESS.  Wasted energy, but still there’s no judgment in that either, it’s what we were trained to do, and what we now choose to ‘retrain’ …

So there I was thinking of how I came to be on this journey, and how I realized that I don’t want to be the absentee Grandmother who sees her grandchildren once a year.  I bitched and moaned FOR YEARS that I wanted a tribe, a family… then I turned around and saw… my little tribe.  I saw it in my grandchildren’s faces when they talked to me on skype.  I felt it in the wistful tugging of my heart as I watched my two youngest grandpeeps playing, smiling, beaming, but.. but.. I want to be a part of that. 

So there I was conflicted with all the voices up in my brain.  Shanti, isn't it your job to go … be the change… is/was that location specific??  I can be the change anywhere right…so what was I looking for??? ME..and I’m everywhere! <so are you>

There is massive turmoil in our world.  I can feel it, before the news reports it, my energy feels ‘twisted’ … well no matter what it is, coming, going, shifts, changes…. I want to be able to throw my arms around the little people and be there.   So, do you hear the voices and the naysayers??  I think that’s the ego, fearful of not being needed, anxious at the thought that passion is leading.  IF we do something because we believe we’re obligated, and not for the joy of it, I think it loses the power of love. 

My/our only obligation is to be happy, and that may twist and turn like the currents of life’s rivers.  My understanding is that we’re exactly where we’re meant to be, doing exactly what we need to do, so let’s just breathe into it, maybe we all don’t know ‘together’ … maybe we’re all just finding our way one brave step at a time. 

I don’t believe in failure, I believe it happens the way it’s supposed to even when we cannot make sense of it, in the ‘now’ness. 

So those voices… yea lovely… thank you but ummm I got this, and since we cannot fail at what god/dess has sent us here to do, it’s all good… onward and upward!!!  Does a muppet shut the mouth motion at the ego!!! Yuh!!