The Gift of Gold!

One year ago, my Aunt (best friend and sister) died.   I miss her and am so grateful for the catalyst that her passing onto her reunion with source brought me.  I thank her almost every day.

This blog is dedicated to her.  My Darsh, who is now shining so brightly, her iridescent wings allowing her to soar to such great heights that she could never imagine being encumbered as she was by the weight of her human vehicle.  I know she is here with me; I can feel her and am now so much more aware.

Life Out Loud

Owning all aspects of myself has set me free in ways I could not previously conceive of whilst lost in my darkness.  The light is now so bright in me, I can’t help but rain love down, paying forward the joy and enthusiasm with which I greet life.  I am so in love with ME.  I love every single thing about me.  I am 230 pounds <as opposed to 350> <gained two pounds in Puerto Rico, lol..thank SOURCE for 7 miles a day!!! Whew!>  I am discovering muscles, I am light café au lait color <lotsa milk> and yes, I have accepted and love even the fact that I do indeed currently have loose skin mostly on my belly, my inner thighs and my <lol> bat wings.  Pfft I am so very grateful to my body for having not only endured but preserved on this journey, and giving me three gorgeous children.  Do I feel badly about myself for any of this?  FUCK no!!!!  I love every perfectly imperfect part of myself.  Oh AND I have had silver in my hair since I was 17, BOOYAH!!!! And I may decide to let it all go silver… <shrugs> WHATEVER suits me!!!   Health is now my LIFESTYLE and I am eager to see what the best me is. 

I curse like a sailor at times, I laugh LOUD.  I have NO SHAME IN MY GAME.  I love with my entire soul, no reservations and I cry easily <except for this trip..way too many emotions to process YET>.  I am a highly sensitive person and have been empathic all of my life.  I choose to be the change I want in this world, and would have sincerely joined the peace corp if I had my bachelor’s or master’s degree.  I want to be of service and am walking my talk. 

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, had very few symptoms of it left except hyper-vigilance at night, and a few small leftover triggers I still have to work through.  I acknowledge and accept ALL of me…

Choosing to SEE and RECEIVING miracles

Yesterday my parents and I went to Culebra.  The ferry ride was amazing.  It is an hour ride each way.  I sat on the mid-level under the hot, beaming sun, my soul ecstatically blossoming under the winds strong embrace.  The boat rocked to and fro on the waves, I could feel Gaia’s energy traveling through both my spiritual/physical body cleansing/restoring my soul to joy and pure light.

On the island I quickly walked into the water eager to taste paradise, it had been so long since I've felt that free and wild.  Wearing a black swimsuit and a tangerine sarong, I could feel the wild and primal goddess rising inside of me, eager to run, roam, to nuzzle my soul mate.  I stood there embracing the primordial sensations flowing in my blood and intoxicating my senses.  My mom was infected by my joy and actually frolicked in the water with me.  After our day in paradise and drinking passion fruit and mango frappes we boarded the bus in the midst of a tropical afternoon fierce, tempestuous storm. 

My spirit was (and is) glowing and humming.  I feel no desire to control and change anyone.  I am happily observing the world and making educated decisions for myself.  Even though it was slightly drizzling and threatening another turbulent tropical storm, I sat on the middle deck again.

The ride back was magical.  I closed my eyes, turning my face toward heaven, repeated thank you, thank you, thank you.  I am the clouds, I am the sun, I am the ocean, I am the mountains, I am God/Goddess, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, as I opened my eyes I saw a young policeman smiling at me.  I knew my light was beaming.  

 I looked into the sky in gratitude and saw a heart <a FREAKING HEART> left by the shape of the clouds.  I took a picture as did my Mom and I saw two more heart, cloud formations as I drove towards Aibonito.  45 years on this planet and I have NEVER ever seen that before, even being an avid cloud watcher as a young child and woman!  It is said if you look for love you'll see it, if you look for joy you will find it, if you look for crap you will find that too.  I saw and felt the light, beauty and love.  I was truly in alignment with Source.  I am lucky and grateful to have so many blessings in my life.  So many people to love and be loved by, I have fully come to the place where I know I am worthy of this magnificent life.

I AM… LOVE

I AM… LIGHT

I AM… JOY

I AM… HEALHTY

I AM… STRONG

I AM… SUCCULENCE

Thank you Aunt Darsh… my road dog for being the catalyst that woke me up and saved my life, you are here in my heart now and forever.

 

I love me, I love you!

Choosing to shine FOREVER!