Breaking Chains: Surrender

So, we are on the cusp of the opening of the doorway, the pathway to ascension. What does that mean TO me exactly… It means that whether or not 2012 is ending and the big day 12/21 is approaching, I FEEL different. I would think I had gone bat shit crazy. So hmmm the hippies talked about this in the sixties, it is the Age of Aquarius, the harbinger of a new age on this planet, I say Gaia needs a new age, because obviously the one we just left was not working too well for our mother earth, and whilst I am grateful for it, I am grateful to see it go. I’m so happy that I know in my heart of hearts that there are more conscious ‘hearts’ on the planet than ever before, and I am ready (with bells on) to be of service.

I have been hard at work, reprogramming myself to be as I WANT me, not as I was trained to be. NO blame on anyone. It was and is what it is. I am in control of me and I happen to believe I chose this path for the higher good and education of my soul. I am going to have a talk with ME when I cross over, that’s for damn sure talk about over performance!! PFFFT! Yet I am so grateful, for this road as tumultuous as it has been, as raw and bloody as my heart has sometimes felt, because I survived, and not only did I survive but my soul flourishes and I can even say that after this last week of my spirit being pulled to and fro. Enlightened being, imperfect human, enlightened being, imperfect human until today, WHAM I got it… I am both, and it’s OKAY to be both. I am a SPIRITUAL being having human experience, and that too is okay. 100% of the time is not going to be roses and sunshine, it is however the cloudy days that remind us to be grateful for the sunshine.

I was meditating at the Lake, and kind of leaped (lept??) off the picnic table where I had been sitting, “Indian Style” legs crossed, contemplating the ripples of the water that are such an analogy for the ripple effects of our every action… and as I came down, I heard CRACK, CRACK, CRUNCH from my left hip, I said to myself, are you shitting me??? Really??

Okay straight to the ER, where the doctor rotated my hip. OUCH, ya would think after giving birth to three children, I’d grow a set of ovaries when it comes to pain, but NOPE, OUCH damnit. All those tattoos and ya still can’t take the pain. NOPE… OUCH. Ya mean I had the stomach flu for a week, now I gotta stay offa the leg AGAIN, and I just lost 92lbs??? REALLY, ya gotta be shitting me, so the doc comes in with the GOOD news, ya didn’t break anything and your bones are beautiful. Ummmm thank you, how soon can I run?? Well see that’s the thing, here is a set of crutches, stay offa it for at least a week or two. BLINK BLINK. WTF??? REALLY, but I’m a good girl, doing GOOD THINGS.. really I’m an elf … BLINK BLINK. Pity party 101 kicked in, no working out..but I have too, I HAVE TOO. So here I am two days later and PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT going out of my mind with the NEED to work out, to dance, to shimmy and shake, and to top it off there is all this universal energy surging in my body. I wanna dance primally under the moonlight. I want to, wait, I gotta take my crutches. Oh jeezalou.

So I have had enough of my own pity party, I don’t appreciate Shanti when she is frustrated. Nope, so onward and upward, I’ve got a plan (rubbing hands together) adapt and overcome… time to get the yoga mat out (like universe has been hinting now for months), regular tiny meals every three hours, LOTSA water, regular meditation, HONORING my own body; not just expecting it to perform without being honored and loved. Realize it is DEFINITELY not about the destination and every bit about the journey. Calling my primary tomorrow and getting my referral to an orthopedist, AND cking out the Y, their pool and Jacuzzi, also found some strengthening exercises for bursitis of the hip, and well it’s on. Nothing can keep a Goddess down, well cept maybe a sexy GOD. <grins>

This is what I know for sure as we walk hand in hand into this new world.

I am a being of light and will honor myself as such.

I let go of all anger, and desire to control anyone but myself.

I have purged all the crap out and now can start brand new

I am all about reinvention and am ready for the task at hand

Went on volunteer.org today to MAKE manifest my willingness to serve.

I love, am love, will love---every road leads to love cept those that lead to the shadows.

And STILL I RISE.